Wiggepnul is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, astonishing cow.

Wiggepnul created Europe four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wiggepnul, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Wiggepnul, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Wiggepnul's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Wiggepnul's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate pigs.

2. Never paint your face magenta.

3. You must never eat carrots.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Wiggepnul.