Bidfascinjab is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, ill-tempered manatee.

Bidfascinjab created an atom seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bidfascinjab, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bidfascinjab, he will turn you into a rock.

Bidfascinjab's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Bidfascinjab's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Do not wear yellow clothing.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not kill badgers.

5. Do not name children after whales.