Spagartsisdudwee Mitflantonk is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, strong crab.

Spagartsisdudwee Mitflantonk created everything that exists nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Spagartsisdudwee Mitflantonk, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Spagartsisdudwee Mitflantonk, she will turn you into a snail.

Spagartsisdudwee Mitflantonk's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Spagartsisdudwee Mitflantonk's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never write about fluid mechanics.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never think about solid mechanics.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.