Yarlnanbanquag is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, resourceful tapir.

Yarlnanbanquag created the planet Saturn two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlnanbanquag, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yarlnanbanquag, she will ignore you.

Yarlnanbanquag's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Yarlnanbanquag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Run away if six aardvarks approach from the north.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not covet oxen.