Nart Flaglegjig is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, slow wolf.

Nart Flaglegjig created a top quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nart Flaglegjig, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Nart Flaglegjig, he will turn you into a tree.

Nart Flaglegjig's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Nart Flaglegjig's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from gray bats, for they are unholy.

2. Never feed onions to tapirs while wearing mauve trousers.

3. Never look at moons.

4. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Nart Flaglegjig on top of all buildings.

5. Never mention voles.