Jarnfig is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, stupid manatee.

Jarnfig created the planet Mars five billion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnfig, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jarnfig, he will turn you into a rock.

Jarnfig's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Jarnfig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect seven zinc sculptures of Jarnfig on top of important buildings.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Always help great tits in need.

4. Never wear hats.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.