Tomfabgess is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, moody swan.

Tomfabgess created tapeworms three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tomfabgess, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tomfabgess, he will not invite you to parties.

Tomfabgess' most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Tomfabgess' Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick doves.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Never go into yellow rooms.

4. Always make sure there are no ducks in a building before entering it.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.