Jarnkampon is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, charitable centipede.

Jarnkampon created everything that exists seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnkampon, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Jarnkampon, it will have a low opinion of you.

Jarnkampon's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Jarnkampon's Holy Commandments

1. Always help ants in need.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never paint your back blue.

4. Never skip in the presence of doves.

5. Always wear violet.