Hitbusvid is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, generous newt.

Hitbusvid created light five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hitbusvid, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Hitbusvid, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hitbusvid's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Hitbusvid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat beans.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Hide if nine squirrels approach from the south.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never think about bacteria.