Nuttcitstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, strong ferret.

Nuttcitstaf created Africa six million years ago.

If you believe in Nuttcitstaf, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nuttcitstaf, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Nuttcitstaf's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Nuttcitstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Capybaras are not to be trusted.

2. Never talk about photosynthesis.

3. Never feed grapes to bats while wearing yellow shorts.

4. Run away if nine shrews approach from the east.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate grasshopers.