Riparpwan is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, tranquil narwhal.

Riparpwan created energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Riparpwan, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Riparpwan, he will turn you into a goat.

Riparpwan's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Riparpwan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ultrasonics near otters while wearing mauve scarves and balancing four lead spheres on your face.

2. Do not wear copper on your body.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always take life seriously.