Bagzenran is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, pitiless hummingbird.

Bagzenran created vertebrates seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bagzenran, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Bagzenran, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Bagzenran's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Bagzenran's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if three birds approach from the north.

2. Never mix lentils with oil.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not hurt nematodes.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.