Lapfenratrulpadtarp is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, contented hydra.

Lapfenratrulpadtarp created an electron nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapfenratrulpadtarp, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Lapfenratrulpadtarp, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Lapfenratrulpadtarp's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Lapfenratrulpadtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not trade with those who eat figs.

5. Never think ill of sick foxes.