Jarnvagvad is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, strong grasshopper.

Jarnvagvad created a quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnvagvad, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Jarnvagvad, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Jarnvagvad's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Jarnvagvad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed cucumbers to doves while wearing scarves.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Never think about asteroids.

5. Never feed lots of turnips to whales while wearing gray ear rings.