Matquatkan is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, conceited wren.

Matquatkan created oxygen four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Matquatkan, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Matquatkan, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Matquatkan's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Matquatkan's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never paint your head brown.

3. Never wear yellow corsets.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.