Apphabneg is a god.

He takes the form of a small, fussy octopus.

Apphabneg created the Whirlpool Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Apphabneg, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Apphabneg, he will boil you in a big pot.

Apphabneg's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Apphabneg's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat manatees with great respect.

2. Do not hurt snails.

3. Never mention tapirs.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not eat oranges.