Zodpidfit Fotrutkom is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, witty tortoise.

Zodpidfit Fotrutkom created an up quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zodpidfit Fotrutkom, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zodpidfit Fotrutkom, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Zodpidfit Fotrutkom's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Zodpidfit Fotrutkom's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Zodpidfit Fotrutkom loves ducks, so they must be honoured.

3. Never talk about comets.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always help sick sheep.