Fumtifhak is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, loving wyvern.

Fumtifhak created Europe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fumtifhak, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fumtifhak, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Fumtifhak's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Fumtifhak's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Aardvarks are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never hurt dogs.

5. Never mention doves.