Joncanveg is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, emotional seal.

Joncanveg created energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Joncanveg, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Joncanveg, she will manifest in front of you.

Joncanveg's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Joncanveg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Run away if eight snails approach from the east.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Always take life seriously.