Kemkikpom Afpodzed is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, ruthless raven.

Kemkikpom Afpodzed created a quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemkikpom Afpodzed, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Kemkikpom Afpodzed, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Kemkikpom Afpodzed's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Kemkikpom Afpodzed's Holy Commandments

1. Kemkikpom Afpodzed loves ants, so they must be honoured.

2. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always help whales.