Gemtagjam is a god.

It takes the form of a small, narcissistic manatee.

Gemtagjam created matter six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gemtagjam, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gemtagjam, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Gemtagjam's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Gemtagjam's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with pride.

2. Never gather nine whales in one place.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity near great tits while wearing red shorts.

4. Do not take Gemtagjam's name in vain.

5. Hide if six gulls approach from the east.