Kamcubfat is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, omnipotent raven.

Kamcubfat created a top quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kamcubfat, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Kamcubfat, she will turn you into a hamster.

Kamcubfat's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Kamcubfat's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.

2. Never talk about dark energy near tapirs while wearing red shirts and balancing eight tin spheres on your head.

3. Never paint your chest fawn.

4. Never sprint in the presence of voles.

5. Do not kill pigs.