Lopcudcar is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, benevolent dugong.

Lopcudcar created an atom four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lopcudcar, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Lopcudcar, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Lopcudcar's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Lopcudcar's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine aluminium sculptures of Lopcudcar on top of important buildings.

2. Always wear black.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never wear rings.

5. Worship no other gods but Lopcudcar.