Dutjanfon is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, idiotic pigeon.

Dutjanfon created a charm quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Dutjanfon, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dutjanfon, he will turn you into a rock.

Dutjanfon's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Dutjanfon's Holy Commandments

1. Erect three silver sculptures of Dutjanfon on top of important buildings.

2. Do not wear silicon on your body.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never talk about planets.

5. You must pray to Dutjanfon six times a day.