Cepmondum is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, merciless snail.

Cepmondum created a charm quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cepmondum, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cepmondum, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Cepmondum's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Cepmondum's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never think about bacteria.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Run away from red dolphins, for they are unholy.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.