Ortjipcub is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, selfish mole.

Ortjipcub created an up quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortjipcub, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Ortjipcub, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Ortjipcub's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Ortjipcub's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never sprint in the presence of horses.

4. Erect a giant black sculpture of Ortjipcub in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.