Larnstertif is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, vain dryad.

Larnstertif created the Whirlpool Galaxy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnstertif, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Larnstertif, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Larnstertif's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Larnstertif's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

2. Do not wear carbon on your body.

3. Always look after injured squirrels.

4. Never mention whales.

5. Do not contemplate fluid mechanics during the night.