Fitnurlciss is a god.

He takes the form of a large, quiet walrus.

Fitnurlciss created the world nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Fitnurlciss, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Fitnurlciss, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Fitnurlciss' most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Fitnurlciss' Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick otters.

2. Never talk about dark energy near ants while wearing turquoise stockings and balancing six copper spheres on your neck.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Erect a large silver sculpture of Fitnurlciss on top of all buildings.