Jarnhonbimcedlanbess is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, merciless goblin.

Jarnhonbimcedlanbess created tapeworms two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnhonbimcedlanbess, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jarnhonbimcedlanbess, he will turn you into a dog.

Jarnhonbimcedlanbess' most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Jarnhonbimcedlanbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt mites.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never think about gravity.

5. Never paint your legs indigo.