Yardapwodtagdavarmtarkon is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, charitable salamander.

Yardapwodtagdavarmtarkon created everything that exists five million years ago.

If you believe in Yardapwodtagdavarmtarkon, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yardapwodtagdavarmtarkon, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Yardapwodtagdavarmtarkon's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Yardapwodtagdavarmtarkon's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat melons.

2. Never wear tights.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never feed peanuts to turtles while wearing jumpers.

5. Hide if three seals approach from the north.