Yogtifmin is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, selfish jellyfish.

Yogtifmin created life six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yogtifmin, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Yogtifmin, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Yogtifmin's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Yogtifmin's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Yogtifmin.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never feed parsnips to aardvarks while wearing mauve tights.

5. Never talk about fire.