Quimbitzak is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, passionate faun.

Quimbitzak created an electron five billion years ago.

If you believe in Quimbitzak, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Quimbitzak, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Quimbitzak's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Quimbitzak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.