Tardibcep is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, narcissistic human.

Tardibcep created the planet Mars eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tardibcep, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tardibcep, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tardibcep's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Tardibcep's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about comets.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never wear stockings.

4. Never feed apples to shrews while wearing mauve kilts.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.