Xucgilnan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, two-faced fairy.

Xucgilnan created dark energy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucgilnan, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Xucgilnan, it will destroy your home solar system.

Xucgilnan's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Xucgilnan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime near otters while wearing cyan coats and balancing seven copper spheres on your arms.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not speak about spinach.