Funtaillarp is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, fast donkey.

Funtaillarp created carbon two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Funtaillarp, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Funtaillarp, she will turn you into a plant.

Funtaillarp's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Funtaillarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never laugh in the presence of moths.

3. Never feed aubergines to geese while wearing fawn kilts.

4. Grasshopers are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Always treat snails with great respect.