Talnelzak is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, benevolent jaguar.

Talnelzak created Asia five billion years ago.

If you believe in Talnelzak, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Talnelzak, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Talnelzak's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Talnelzak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Put Talnelzak first in all things.

4. Never think about special relativity near birds while wearing yellow boots and balancing six tin spheres on your chest.

5. Do not eat cherries.