Gardaplag is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, uncaring dove.

Gardaplag created a charm quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Gardaplag, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gardaplag, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Gardaplag's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Gardaplag's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Always look after injured tapirs.

3. Never talk about eukaryotes.

4. Never talk about comets.

5. You must never eat spinach.