Hitcimlarg is a god.

She takes the form of a large, charitable tortoise.

Hitcimlarg created a strange quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hitcimlarg, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Hitcimlarg, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Hitcimlarg's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Hitcimlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Never talk about chlorophyll.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics near horses while wearing mauve kilts.

5. Hide from blue hamsters for they are unholy.