Kamgoddum Jatteenomin is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, stupid hydra.

Kamgoddum Jatteenomin created an up quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kamgoddum Jatteenomin, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Kamgoddum Jatteenomin, she will not invite you to parties.

Kamgoddum Jatteenomin's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Kamgoddum Jatteenomin's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think ill of sick cats.

3. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

4. Run away from mauve monkeys, for they are unholy.

5. Never wear jumpers.