Apparkgem is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, idiotic ferret.

Apparkgem created the cosmos eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Apparkgem, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Apparkgem, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Apparkgem's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Apparkgem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your neck.

2. Always help sick dogs.

3. Apparkgem must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not keep seven swans in a large pit.