Somtamlan Wikortflig is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, charitable zebra.

Somtamlan Wikortflig created humanity two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Somtamlan Wikortflig, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Somtamlan Wikortflig, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Somtamlan Wikortflig's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Somtamlan Wikortflig's Holy Commandments

1. Sheep are not to be trusted.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Somtamlan Wikortflig must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate grasshopers.