Nurtjopfoss is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, humorless duck.

Nurtjopfoss created Mount Everest two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurtjopfoss, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Nurtjopfoss, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Nurtjopfoss' most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Nurtjopfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never wear dresses.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never laugh near squirrels.