Lamgunkem is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, selfish wasp.

Lamgunkem created viruses seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamgunkem, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lamgunkem, it will try to impress you with trees.

Lamgunkem's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Lamgunkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not leap in public.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always treat monkeys with great respect.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Feed all hungry porpoises.