Jamnartsand is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, wise whale.

Jamnartsand created parasitic wasps nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Jamnartsand, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jamnartsand, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Jamnartsand's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Jamnartsand's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never think about black holes.

3. Never feed lots of turnips to shrews while wearing gray dresses.

4. Horses are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.