Timparkken is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, kind snail.

Timparkken created the Sombrero Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Timparkken, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Timparkken, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Timparkken's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Timparkken's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not shave your chest.

3. Always obey Timparkken's priests.

4. Never think about gravity near monkeys while wearing violet trousers and balancing eight platinum spheres on your feet.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.