Loptonkwot is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, irritating goat.

Loptonkwot created the planet Earth three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loptonkwot, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Loptonkwot, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Loptonkwot's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Loptonkwot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

2. Do not drink water in green rooms.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Always make sure there are no mites in a building before entering it.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.