Veenzanpark is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, ruthless horse.

Veenzanpark created energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Veenzanpark, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Veenzanpark, he will boil you in a big pot.

Veenzanpark's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Veenzanpark's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not take Veenzanpark's name in vain.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Hide if three monkeys approach from the north.

5. Never eat beans.