Talnarmut is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, happy turtle.

Talnarmut created a down quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Talnarmut, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Talnarmut, he will try to impress you with trees.

Talnarmut's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Talnarmut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Always wear black.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Talnarmut loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

5. Never talk about monkeys.