Bestsakquag is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, unjust centipede.

Bestsakquag created the world six million years ago.

If you believe in Bestsakquag, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bestsakquag, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Bestsakquag's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Bestsakquag's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from white sheep, for they are unholy.

2. Never sit near doves.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.