Jopmobgat is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, self-confident dove.

Jopmobgat created humankind three billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopmobgat, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jopmobgat, he will destroy your home solar system.

Jopmobgat's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Jopmobgat's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snakes.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.

5. Do not trade with those who eat figs.