Baplarpzakgupgen is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, quiet crow.

Baplarpzakgupgen created light four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Baplarpzakgupgen, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Baplarpzakgupgen, he will turn you into a dog.

Baplarpzakgupgen's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Baplarpzakgupgen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Do not eat tomatoes.

3. Erect a large tin sculpture of Baplarpzakgupgen on top of all buildings.

4. Always look after injured badgers.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate geese.